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Interview with the Liberal Party of Canada (As We Imagine It) I don’t know about you but hasn’t it seemed as if the Liberals have just disappeared from the national political stage? Only a scant few months ago they were governing our country and now it’s as if they are an afterthought. To get the inside scoop on what has been happening with it, we have decided to interview the Liberal Party of Canada. You can well imagine that it was a neat trick trying to get the whole party on to the ol’ Naugahyde interview couch. I’d like to see Don Newman try that! But enough of that and let’s get started shall we? Welcome Liberal Party of Canada to the famous Prairie Post interview. A. Thank you. Thank you very much. It’ s certainly an honour to be here where so many prominent personages have sat before including, I might add, The Rt. Hon. Paul Martin and of course, the legendary Rt. Hon. Sir Wilfrid Laurier great Liberals both. Q. Indeed. First off, I have to ask you, what you have been up to since the last election. As I said in the introduction, it seems as if you have virtually disappeared from the relevant political discussion in this country. It’s all Stephen all the time. A. It might appear so but in reality I have been preparing for when next we return to our rightful place as the government of Canada. Q. So you’re confident that the next election will see a Liberal government once again. A. Oh yes indeed. In fact, right here in your cyber-journal, that’s the term you like to use, right, I will predict that we will return as a majority government after the next election. You heard it here first. Q. That’s a very bold prediction. A. And one I don’t make lightly. I think once the Canadian people get a true taste of the Conservatives over time, we’ll be a shoo-in. Q. The latest polls show that Canadians are relatively happy with Prime Minister Harper so far. Ah, is something wrong? A. No, no, I’m fine. It’s just that I can’t get used to hearing you-know-who’s name and Prime Minister in the same sentence. Q. I saw you flinch and I thought you had a serious problem. A. It’s still too early for me to hear Prime Minister what’s-his-name. Q. Obviously, the election loss was very traumatic for you. A. Are you kidding? I was devastated. It’s something I never expected in a million years. Come on, you can’t tell me that you weren’t surprised by the results. This is the Liberal Party of Canada for God’s sake. We were born to lead. Who else is better than the Liberals to look after Canadians tax dollars? It’s not even close! Q. Wasn’t that part of the problem? A. What do you mean? Q. I think that one of the main issues of the election was the Adscam scandal and the blatant patronage and funneling of taxpayer dollars to Liberal graft. A. It was all a huge misunderstanding. That’s not what happened. Q. Of course it happened. I followed the Gomery Inquiry closely and the testimony revealed the level of patronage was unparalleled in Canadian history. It was criminal. A. As they used to say in all those old western movies, them’s mighty strong words pardner! Q. Huh? A. Criminal? Where did you get your information? Q. I told you. I followed Mr. Justice Gomery’s inquiry extremely closely in the media. A. That was your first problem. The media managed to distort the facts all out of proportion. They mischaracterized the whole thing. Q. I find that very hard to believe. After all, aren’t the media supposed to be liberal? Weren’t they constantly being accused of being too soft on Prime Minister Martin and his government? A. Nothing could be further from the truth. The press crucified us and I don’t mind telling you that the real reason we were defeated was the constant character assassination in the press. Q. So Mr. Martin’s seeming inability to put forth a coherent policy plus his pathetic reaction to the Adscam scandal was distorted. Is that what you are claiming? A. Not only am I claiming it, I am telling you that was the definitive reason for our defeat. Q. Is that also why you seem to be so bitter? A. I’m not bitter. Let’s get that straight right up front. Sure I am disappointed over the results but I’m not bitter. Q. You’re not? A. Certainly not. In fact I view it as a new beginning for the Liberal Party of Canada. We can emerge fresh and revitalized to take our rightful place as Canada’s governing party. The leadership race further enhances that sense of renewal as we have many quality candidates that will change the face of the Liberal Party forever. Q. That’s quite a noble speech. It sounds like it came from a campaign poster. A. I don’t want you to belittle the Party’s efforts at renewal and growth. Why must you put a negative spin on it already? Q. No, I apologize. I wasn’t trying to portray your efforts in a negative light. It just seemed that your comments were a little over the top. A. I’m excited. Can’t I be excited? Q. Sure, of course you can. In fact, let’s discuss the leadership campaign for a little bit. Without that, the Liberals would be getting no press at all. A. No news is good news sometimes. Q. I suppose so. Can we discuss the campaign then? A. Go ahead. Q. Give me your assessment of the field of candidates. There are eight of them I believe. A. You have been paying attention. There were nine but Mr. Bevilacqua has since withdrawn to support Bob Rae. Q. Now that I find interesting. A. What’s that? Q. How do you feel about the former leader of the NDP in Ontario and former premier of that province vying for the leadership of the federal Liberals? Don’t you find that a bit odd? A. I want to be led by the best people available. Mr. Rae is obviously a winner. Why shouldn’t I be thrilled that he is in the race? Q. It’s just that he has been long identified with the NDP. Doesn’t he bring that baggage with him as you try to regain the trust of the Canadian voter? A. As you yourself pointed out, he did become Premier of Ontario. Q. And if you ask Ontarians, did damage to that province they are still trying to recover from. A. I think you’re referring to Mike Harris. Mr. Rae has always been a Liberal at heart and I think he is a fine candidate with solid support. Q. What other candidates do you favour? A. First of all, let’s make this perfectly clear lest there be any misunderstanding whatsoever. I do not, as the party, endorse any particular individual candidate. How can I? It just wouldn’t be right. Q. But you don’t want Hedy Fry to be leader do you? A. Nice try but I won’t answer. Q. Joe Volpe can’t seem to get his campaign together. I suspect you don’t want him to bring that divisiveness to a party you say is trying for a new face. A. I can’t comment on that. Q. But I saw a twitch there, surely. A. Not biting. Q. Martha Hall Findlay? A. Who? Q. Aha! I caught you. She’s the candidate who lost to Belinda Stronach in 2004 and then when Belinda crossed the floor, she ceded her Liberal riding nomination to Stronach, Obviously a Party girl and I don’t mean that the way it sounds but she is kind of cute. A. I recall yes, but I have no opinion on her leadership aspirations or her “hotness” factor. Q. You have to admit she would make one sexy PM even though it’s a long shot. A. Not even going to go there. Q. What about the frontrunners? A. I told you I can’t comment on any of them. I am strictly neutral. Q. My personal favourite is Ken Dryden. Remember how calm, cool, and collected he used to be between the pipes. You gotta know he’d bring that same coolness under fire attitude to the PMO. Yeah, he’s definitely my favourite. Stephane Dion should play well in Quebec; Gerard Kennedy is not widely known yet has strong support within you; Scott Brison, again strong support. I have to believe you want the superstar of the bunch, at least that’s how he is being promoted. A. Whomever do you mean? Q. As if you didn’t know. I mean Michael Ignatieff of course. A. Oh yes, Michael. A. I see you’re getting all giddy at the mere thought of him as leader or as giddy as a political party can get at least. Q. Now you know I can’t publicly endorse him but wouldn’t he be just the dreamiest party leader you ever saw? A. Ah, yes, I guess. He does have the support of the vast majority of the caucus. Wasn’t there some sort of difficulty for him during the election campaign? Q. What do you refer to? A. You know, some in his constituency weren’t happy that he was parachuted into the riding after they had already picked a candidate. Q. It was a minor organizational problem at worst. A. He is perceived to be on the right wing of the party and definitely wants closer ties to the U. S. His career as an intellectual and author has largely been spent in the U. S. and supported the war in Iraq. Aren’t you being a little opportunistic promoting his leadership aspirations? A. I am not promoting anyone’s aspirations. What did you mean by opportunistic? Q. Let me give you an example. Let’s say Ford comes out with an extremely popular design of new car that sells like proverbial hotcakes. The next thing you know, GM is introducing a similar model with many of the same features “branded” or differentiated from the original competitors design only slightly. Do you see where I am going with this? A. Frankly, no. When have the North American auto manufacturers come out with an innovative design lately? Q. No, you missed my point entirely. It’s not really about automotive design at all. The point I was actually trying to make, albeit somewhat inelegantly, was that Michael Ignatieff is being presented as the Liberal version of the current popular design, i.e., Stephen Harper. A. That’s preposterous. Q. No, I don’t think so. The parallels are there. A. Mr. Ignatieff has much more ability. Q. Okay, so you think your model has the bigger engine. You are reinforcing my take on the leadership. He is the Liberal-branded model for a more conservative leaning Canada. It makes perfect sense and actually, I think Mr. Ignatieff, barring any serious public gaffes has a great opportunity to bring you, the Liberal Party, back into power. A. You really think so? Q. I do. The leadership convention should be highly interesting. A. I think so too. I am so looking forward to it. I feel twenty, no thirty years younger just at the thought of it. Q. Maybe after the convention, you’ll look it as well. A. Thanks, I think. Q. Oh, you are most welcome and thanks for joining us today. I look forward to seeing how this renewal process turns out. Thank you again. A. My pleasure and see you in Montreal on the 29th of November. Good-bye for now. Q. I won’t be there but I will be watching with interest. Good-bye. Odds and Ends Say good-bye to the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, gang. Happy Labour Day and beyond! Now it’s time to get serious about life like we have to do every year as we head into the fall and winter, you know, like figuring out how not to freeze our keisters off and other important stuff like that. But before we do, there are a few items that caught my eye over the last month that I want to mention. In the “We won’t have him to kick around any more” department: This little item set my heart all aflutter. Our favourite foil and whipping boy, the class clown of Canadian politics, Ralph Klein said in August that he has finally picked a date when he will retire from politics. Sometime on September 14, 15, or 16, he’s going to hand in his notice. He can’t pick just one day? Wow, Ralph, there’s nothing like keeping the suspense right up until the last minute is there? I just can’t handle the drama any more. I suppose it must be tied to a trigger date for the leadership vote in either October or November but it sounds totally ridiculous. On an updated and related note, the Premier has just wrapped up his final news conference as Premier. “It was very touching,” said Ralph. I know I had a tear in my eye. “It was a long period of time coming to an end,” the master of the understatement allowed. Yeah, it was a long time coming alright, a few years too long. What’s really sad is that he probably would have continued on much past his best before date had not the party review suggested he find the nearest exit and use it. The truly great ones know when it’s time to leave-they don’t have to be pushed out the door. “What century is this again?” department: Hot on the heels of the Premier’s breathtaking unveiling of his departure date, another candidate to replace him as the party leader made his announcement. Yes, friends, we have the inimitable Victor Doerksen entering the fray. Victor who? Dorksen? Allow me to enlighten you. Mr. Doerksen represents Red Deer South as an MLA and was Innovation and Science Minister. He represents the “social conservative” side of the Alberta PCs which is the politically correct way of letting us know he is a wingnut. This enlightened candidate wanted to ban Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men from school libraries because, according to Mr. Doerksen, his constituents were concerned the characters swore a lot. So do the characters in Shakespeare, you moron. Get a ****ing life! With that kind of innovative thinking, I shudder to think what he has done for the advancement of science and education in this province. Check the calendar, Vic. It’s 2006 not 1956. I noticed the articles about your entry gave you the benefit of the doubt calling you a contender. Yeah, and Salma Hayek is on the phone trying to get me to take her to lunch. Save your time and your money, Vic. It ain’t gonna happen. I have a better chance of a nosh with the lovely Ms. Hayek. Don’t print the tickets to the Jim Dinning Legend ™ coronation ball just yet department: According to the scuttlebutt surrounding the upcoming battle of the leadership titans, otherwise known as Alberta Idol, our buddy Jimbo Dinning just might have a little competition. Poor Jim has been salivating in exile lo these many years just waiting for Ralph to finally exit the scene. For years now the Jim Dinning succession has been a foregone conclusion but it looks as if Ted Morton (stands back and rubs eyes and shakes head), yes, I said Ted Morton might have pipped Jimbo for the lead. Morton has apparently struck a nerve with the party members that want a complete break from the Klein era, including a break from Jim Dinning who they see as a part of the old guard who has offered no new direction. Morton has promised that break and reinforces that message now that he has some feedback that it seems to be working. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a real race on our hands-Tory royalty vs. wingnut outsider! It might be an interesting first ballot at the leadership vote if Dinning can’t seal the deal. Where will the also-rans take their votes? Don’t put the cork back in the sherry bottle yet, Mother; it’s going to be a humdinger! “Into the wild blue yonder” department: This might be seen as a fitting tribute to our departing Premier. I noticed that the Alberta government is spending nearly $12 million to buy two new aircraft. What better way to remember our high-flying Ralph and his turboprop party buses than to upgrade the fleet by retiring his private airline along with the leader. The new King Airs will replace the older models Ralph has apparently worn out. I wonder who is in charge of disposing of the empty liquor bottles and vacuuming up the cigarette butts from the phased out fleet. “More money than brains” department: The lovely Iris Evans, our very own Health Minister
revealed in late August that her department had spent about $200,000 of a
million dollar propaganda campaign for her shelved health care reforms.
She cited the need to be prepared to inform Albertans about the That’s all the news I saw fit to print this time around so have a happy Labour Day and enjoy those crisp autumn days before they turn to those even ****ing crisper winter days (sorry Vic). Tumbleweed of the Month Ralph I don’t even have to include his full name and right away you know exactly who I am talking about. When you achieve that kind of notoriety your decision to finally hang’em up is worthy of note. Of course I am talking about Ralph Reed, the former leader of the Christian Coalition. Didn’t see that coming did you? No, I was obviously referring to the loveable and laughable Ralph Klein, soon to be ex-Premier of the Province of Alberta. As I write this, Ralph has held his final press conference as Premier and leader of the Alberta PCs. Just a couple of weeks ago, he gave an actual date (well, three to be precise) of sometime between September 14-16. By mid September, we won’t have Ralph to kick around any more. If I wasn’t so lazy, I’d go back over the archives of the Prairie Post and tell you how many times he has appeared here whether it be the Tumbleweed of the Month like this month, the subject of an editorial, or a slightly befuddled and cantankerous interview. I think, if I recall correctly, we once even anticipated his new status as retiree and interviewed him in his declining years from a fishing lake in central Alberta. Let the Sun and the Journal try to beat that! Report the future news before it happens! At first I was reluctant to give him any more space here fearing the “oh no, not another Ralph Klein piece” reaction but the more I thought about it, the more I realized this month’s Tumbleweed could only be him. After all, in a sense, Ralph Klein is the raison d’etre for the Prairie Post in the first place. It grew out of the documentation of the scandals within the Tory government and the Alberta Treasury Branches as it will always be known to me (I realize it should be ATB Financial-all corporate sounding) that appeared in Banksters and Prairie Boys, my book. The idea of keeping a running scorecard as it were on further scandal and cover-up appealed to me immensely. That’s really how the Prairie Post was born and why it continues. Certainly, we have covered other matters and have been decidedly offbeat with other topics but the focus has always been primarily with the Alberta government and its, shall we say, idiosyncrasies. It survives as no other government in Canada has survived. In Alberta, we don’t so much elect governments as put in place one-party states every thirty or forty years whether we need to or not. And for the past 26 years and obviously during the time we are concerned with, the big cheese at the head of it all has been Ralph Klein. He is the Alberta government as far as most Albertans are concerned and he is certainly that for the rest of Canada as well. He has become a caricature of himself helped in no small measure by the press and our own humble contributions. Instead of fighting it, Ralph relishes it. He says and does the most outrageous things and then virtually dares reporters to cut him up in articles and editorials. Then, indignantly, he attacks them for what he knew would be the result. He is a character right out of opera buffo, clownish one moment, cantankerous and irascible the next. He incites blind loyalty or outright hate. It seems that in any discussion of Ralph Klein, there is no middle ground. Personally, my own feelings are more of wonder than anything else and a sense of grudging respect that he managed to keep such solid control of his sometimes fractious party under control for so long. What other jurisdiction aside from some third world dictatorships has had that longevity? So let me salute you, Ralph, for once again appearing here as the Tumbleweed of the Month. I’m not sorry to see you go but at the same time I am strangely conflicted about it. After all, who else is going to provide me with the wealth of material that you have over these past years. Enjoy your retirement Mr. Klein. In a bizarre way, I am going to miss you. Oh, and by the way, if you ever want to give me the straight goods on that whole West Edmonton Mall thing, call me. I’m all ears. |
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