Interview With Her Honour

Madame Justice Myra Bielby (As We Imagine It)  

We have a last-minute guest that I just had to talk to start of this series for 2004. This Justice of the Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench has recently rendered what I tentatively believe to be a precedent setting decision. She awarded costs to a lawyer to be paid by another lawyer in lieu of his client. Effectively, she has ensured that no lawyer will ever want to represent the particular client and represents a very dangerous new form of libel chill. I had to find out what was behind her amazing and terrifying decision for two reasons. First, it is another instance in a long history of suspect and manoeuvred judgments to come out of the Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench. The second reason is more personal in that the client I mentioned above is none other than your humble interviewer. Let’s get right to it shall we?

Q. Welcome to the infamous naugahyde Chair of Truth Madame Justice Bielby. May I call you Myra? Madame Justice is so formal, so pompous, and so tiresome.

A. Actually, I’d prefer that you show the respect due my position and call me Madame Justice Bielby.

Q. So Myra, let’s get started then.

A. I’ll hold you in contempt if you don’t show the proper respect!

Q. That little hammer might work in your chambers and court room but I set the rules in the ol’ Prairie Post garage. Order please! I’ve always wanted to say that. First off, do you realize that you bear an uncanny resemblance to our newly minted Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLellan. I also note that to my knowledge, no one has seen the two of you in a room together. Are you in fact, the Deputy Prime Minister?

A. No, of course not! That’s just silly. I am flattered that you would confuse me with such a fine figure of a woman. I, too, like to think of myself as an accomplished, intellectual woman able to make her way unaided in a world dominated by men.

Q. Yeah, that’s nice Myra. You’re sure that you weren’t twin sisters separated at birth or something like that, you know like some classic Victorian novel?

A. You’re nuts!

Q. Okay, enough about that. Let’s get to the heart of the matter. Therefore, I’d like to explore some of your philosophy with respect to the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act and how that philosophy guides and influences your decisions.

A. Well finally. I see that you are able to ask an intelligent question. I see the Act as a means of punishing the debtor and restoring integrity to commerce. Al’s told me that this is necessary to get the desired results and it’s for the bankrupt’s own good.

Q. Hmm. I wonder about that. Personally, as you amply demonstrated in my own situation, the Act is more a weapon to take away an individual’s rights to due process. As interpreted by you, Al, and some of the others at the court, it turns the whole basis of English jurisprudence on its head. In other words, in the Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench, a bankrupt is guilty until proven innocent. The catch is that you never allow him the means to prove that innocence with the double whammy of charging him for the privilege.

A. Huh?

Q. The purpose of the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act was to equitably relieve the burden on the debtor and avoid the more onerous past scandals like debtors’ prison or situations like those in the Depression when people were jumping off buildings for God’s sake. In the Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench, the opposite appears to apply.

A. I think that a punishment component is necessary certainly. I think your characterization is a bit melodramatic.

Q. Melodramatic, huh? Then are you saying that is why I have been in bankruptcy for nearly 10 years? Are you saying that is fair?

A. If you read my December 19, 2004 judgment, I think you get some idea of where I stand. Have you read it?

Q. Oh yeah, I’ve read it. I just happen to have a copy with me that I shall be referring to from time to time. In fact, let’s take your decision and analyse it for its legal scholarship or otherwise. How about that? Are you willing to defend your decision in the court of free speech and away from the smothering influence of Al (Last Call) Wachowich?

A. Certainly, I have nothing to be ashamed of. And please don’t refer to the Chief Justice as "Last Call" Al.

Q. Why? You and he got something going? I know about his reputation with the ladies.

A. I am not even going to dignify that with a response. Just ask your questions.

Q. First of all let’s discuss the legitimacy of the opposing lawyer Douglas Tkachuk. I don’t mean his parentage but his involvement in the proceeding. How did he get to take part in the action at all?

A. If you refer to my decision, you will see that I make that point perfectly clear. He was invited informally to appear.

Q. I notice that you fail to state who invited him.

A. That was not relevant.

Q. Oh, but I beg to differ. It’s highly relevant because it was Al Wachowich who invited Mr. Tkachuk to the party.

A. That’s speculation on your part.

Q. It’s not so much speculation as rational deduction. First of all, we need to lay out a little history here. Mr. Tkachuk repeatedly says he was acting as amicus curiae but he was, in reality, acting as amicus Wachowich.

A. Again, that is pure speculation on your part.

Q. But I’m not finished. Let me ask you another question. Whom has the most to lose when my second book is published and who therefore has the vested interest in seeing that such publication should not happen?

A. How should I know as I haven’t read the book?

Q. No, of course not and if Al Wachowich has his way, you never will. Since he is the centre of the story of scandal that continues where it left off in Banksters and Prairie Boys, Al Wachowich is the individual with the most to lose if I am successful in getting the second book published. That is why I was discharged from bankruptcy and then I was put back in bankruptcy. That is unheard of.

A. You were put back in because of some irregularities of the discharge.

Q. Oh really. Let’s discuss these so-called irregularities. First, you say in your decision that some of the creditors were not served. That is patently false. Not only were they served but they were served twice but not one creditor swore an objection to the discharge. Any previous history becomes irrelevant if the creditors do not object. Not even Price Waterhouse Coopers, the Trustee on the bankruptcy file saw fit to file an objection to my discharge. Surely, if they were concerned about its legitimacy, then under their duties as Trustee, they were required to object but they did not. They also had fired the aforementioned Mr. Tkachuk from the file so he had no formal reason for bringing forward the opposition to the discharge.

A. Well . . .

Q. Well what? I do not believe that you are the author of this decision. Let me continue. I have it from a reliable source that the decision was already being drafted before you heard the oral argument. This written decision does not acknowledge the contradictory evidence that was presented to the court. Contradictory evidence is the basis on which trials are held. The blatant disregard for this within the December 19 decision can only be interpreted as a prepackaged result. Why was the matter even heard? Impartiality was never part of the process.\

A. Are you saying there is a lack of impartiality in the Court of Queen’s Bench?

Q. Look, Wachowich was in trouble because of some of the serious revelations I made with respect to his involvement in the whole affair. He’s the Chief Justice and the rest of you closed ranks to protect him. Al Wachowich pulled the strings and you all danced. That’s not fanciful supposition. Admit that is what took place.

A. I admit no such thing. Do you realize what you are saying? Do you realize that you are calling into question the ethics and integrity of the distinguished members of the Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench?

Q. Oh, I’m sure there are a few honest ones left over there. But from what I’ve seen over the last 10 years, there is a little cabal of Wachowich groupies that do his bidding and by sheer coincidence, these few happen to be the only judges available when matters concerning my bankruptcy come before the court. You, yourself, were the presiding justice on my original bankruptcy order. As late as last year, after my complaints about your impartiality in this particular proceeding, you elected to recuse yourself and drafted Justice Day to hear the matter at the last minute. But here you are again, rendering a decision arising out of that very action. What else can I conclude about the ethics and integrity of that group of judges?

A. You’re incorrigible. I wish I had the power to deal with you even more severely. As I don’t, I cannot continue this interview in the obvious tone of disrespect you show to the court. If you think you have succeeded in making me question my decision, I assure you that has not happened.

Q. I didn’t really expect to influence whether or nor you would revisit this particular decision. My objective was to expose the way in which some of these decisions are arrived at and what factors come into play despite the suspect reasoning given in the body of the decision itself. In this case, your decision was the method Al Wachowich used to pay Doug Tkachuk for his services to the Chief Justice. And there was one other reason. It was the modern day legal equivalent of the head on the pike outside the mediaeval city walls. This is what will happen to any lawyers who have the temerity to take a case for Monier Rahall.

A. That’s absurd!

Q. Methinks the lady doth protest too much! Thank you for coming here today, Justice Bielby and helping me to illustrate my point. You did so admirably. Good bye.

A. Good bye

                                                          You Heard It Here First, Eh!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that you had a pleasant and rewarding holiday season whatever that means to you. The fact that you’re reading this means you survived for another year. Congratulations. Like many publications desperate for copy during the traditionally slow news period, the Prairie Post offers you this belated festive turkey otherwise known as "2004: I predict . . ."

I predict that the war in Iraq will continue to drag on throughout the entire year sadly with more deaths and maiming. The White House will finally admit that there are actually no weapons of mass destruction after it is revealed that all the intelligence reports were based on the analysis of a spoiled tuna sandwich in Han Blix’s backpack left in the back seat of his U. N. SUV for three days in the Baghdad sun.

I predict that Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from an undisclosed location, will point to these same intelligence reports and call for a pre-emptive strike on the major tuna producing nations in order "that Americans may once again feel secure in the cafeterias, delis, and lunch rooms of this nation." Former allies Japan, Taiwan, and Spain are shocked and awed. Kraft and Hellman’s shares fall through the floor as the Americans realize those sneaky French invented mayonnaise and are seen as hostile to any action against a tuna fishing nation.

I predict that beef will also disappear from North American menus as beef is banned as a food in a gross overreaction to the mad cow crisis. Arby’s goes bankrupt, McDonald’s and Burger King go soy, and k. d. lang writes a lengthy opinion piece in the New York Times entitled "See. I Told Ya!"

I predict that Ralph Klein, desperate to remain popular with his main constituency despite the economic disaster resulting from the ban on beef, opens the Heritage Fund and effectively transfers the entire fund to Alberta’s cattle ranchers. Ironically, a cattle industry spokesperson says, "This year is the best year in a long time." Severely normal urban Albertans grumble over sizzling tofu steaks on their backyard grills.

I predict in entertainment news that the CBS Network will debut Survivor! The Spiderhole in which seven people are buried in seven tiny underground cells in some sh*thole in Iraq and try to avoid the U. S. Army until they can find a way to get to the $40 billion prize. In a move that came as no surprise to industry insiders, Saddam Hussein is hired as creative consultant.

In a further media spinoff from the cable news war in Iraq, I predict that Fox News will hire the gentleman known as "Baghdad Bob" to be the promo voice of the network uttering over swelling music at every break, "Fair and Balanced" as iconic pictures of George W. Bush superimposed on the words "Leadership," "Our Lord," and "Mission Accomplished" form the backdrop scenes accompanied by a slow motion shot of the fluttering Stars and Stripes. I get all choked up just writing this.

I predict that Michael Jackson will be found not guilty in a California court of all child molestation charges. Mr. Jackson, a recent convert to Louis Farrakhan’s Nation of Islam, in gratitude and joy as a result of the verdict, offers to organize a Million Child March to Neverland.

I predict that late night radio talk show host Art Bell retires and then promptly unretires for the third time. Shortly after the start of his first show back while live on the air from his Pahrump, Nevada studio, he is abducted by strange speaking aliens. The otherwordly sounds are later translated by experts from SETI in Arrecibo, Puerto Rico and mean loosely, "Enough already!"

I predict in Canadian entertainment news that Mike Bullard will be as successful on Global as he was on CTV. When polled about what they thought of Mike’s revamped show, Canadians responded, "Mike who? Doesn’t he play for the Leafs or something?"

I predict further scandal for Conrad Black. Specifically, in July 2004, he will reveal that he didn’t actually write the doorstop biography of Franklin D. Roosevelt and that in fact it was really Leonard Asper who produced the tome about the "New Deal" president. Lord Black of Crossharbour is forced into the admission after careful analysis of various National Post editorial pieces and the Roosevelt biography reveal unmistakable similarities in style and syntax. Mr. Asper, when asked for a comment, said he was too busy writing his umpteenth CBC bashing article to make any statement.

I predict that the recently retired Prime Minister, Jean Chretien, will suffer from further degradation of his mental capacity and will be seen frequently pushing a shopping cart loaded with bags of clothes and money in the vicinity of Parliament Hill. He is heard to mumble, "I tink, you know, dat I have no idea what it is about dat but I can tell you, you know, dat Paul Martin is not de real Prime Minister. Since two years, I was ‘oping dat I was de Prime Minister for life. And, you know dat George Bush and I are still very good friends and dat I could go to da ranch at any time what I want to, you know." Later, he is arrested at a Loblaws for trying to get a new shopping cart to replace a perfectly good one he had been using to this point. Street people, when interviewed for their reaction, bitterly recalled that Jean always thought he was better than the rest. Let the wobbly wheeled carts do for the masses. Jean Chretien needs a new cart. He’s out of touch with the community.

I predict that Joe Clark and Elsie Wayne will debut a new children’s show on CBC Television called The Friendly Mister F*ckup in which they will live in a fantasy world and argue about inviting gay people as guests on the show. He wants to and she doesn’t. Unfortunately, Joe loses a vote on the issue when the puppet Sinc misses casting his ballot in a crucial story meeting while in court trying to prevent a merger with Romper Room.

I predict, scary as this sounds, that Jack Agrios will be appointed to the Senate as recognition for his many years of service as ass-kisser to the rich and powerful. Now that Anne McLellan, his champion in his quest for the Order of Canada, is the newly minted Deputy P. M., it’s a sure thing in a classic case of it’s not what you know but who you . . . Need I be more graphic? I predict that this selection will also prove what I have long contended; ie. That Ms. McLellan is highly overrated in the smarts department.

Finally, I predict that the Prairie Post will be around for another year to irritate, inflame, entertain, expose, afflict, affect, rouse, scream, enlighten, tweak, effect, cajole, shout, demand, embarrass, assert, investigate, highlight, slap, chase, enliven, tickle, sneer, award, protest, deflate, imagine, redress, plead, assess, revolt, affirm, guard, and generally prick the establishment. You can take all of these predictions to the (government -owned but arm’s length control ATB Financial near) bank. You heard it here first!

                                                           Tumbleweed of the Month

                                                            Accessory After the Fact

To open a brand-new year of these prestigious and feared awards, I think it is wholly appropriate that the very first Tumbleweed of the Month for 2004 comes from the distaff side. Perhaps then we can set a kinder, gentler tone for these monthly honours. To that end, our TWOTM for the month of January is none other than Madame Justice Myra Bielby. On second thought, you know what I just said about kinder and gentler? Skip it.

Dear Myra came to us from the firm of Field and Field. Her work was exemplary. In fact you might say she was outstanding in her Field and Field. Then again, you might not. She has been cited as an excellent argument for affirmative action but we don’t have the time to get into all that now. Suffice it to say that she has ridden the bench at the Law Courts building these last 16 years.

I first encountered Myra in her Court of Queen’s Bench. It was then that I discovered that keen legal mind hidden under all those sexy black robes. She had allowed Coopers and Lybrand (now Price Waterhouse Coopers) to act for me, the debtor, and then allowed them to subsequently work for the creditor, the Alberta Treasury Branches now known in chic circles as ATB Financial. Surely, I thought to myself at the time, can a position on the Supreme Court of Canada be far behind? Or, with the departure of Diana Ross, perhaps just the Supremes but I digress.

But Myra wasn’t done with me yet. No, not by a long shot. She then had the innovative legal sense to rank the unsecured creditors ahead of the secured creditors in a bold legal manoeuvre guaranteed to turn heads. I know that after reading her decision, my head was spinning. It would be safe to assume that Bora Laskin had left her number off his speed dial. She became the go to girl when you need a decision bogged down in the Court of Appeal. Even after all these years, most of the Appeal Justices still have a difficult time translating Myraspeak.

I know what you’re thinking. Enough! The woman deserves to be TWOTM on these factors alone but please be patient, grasshopper for there is more, much more to paraphrase the prophet Popeil. As an aside, it was said that he once cured baldness with a spray can. Truly a miracle.

Oh, and lest I forget, I had another memorable encounter with the Madame Justice. I was browsing one day in the Bay store downtown when I happened to run across Myra shopping in the same store. Alas, this was during the height (depth) of my troubles and I didn’t wish to convey to Madame Justice Bielby that a bankrupt had any resources with which to shop. I dropped my Stanfields (the ones I was holding, not the ones I was wearing) and fled. Before my mad dash to the nearest exit, I could not help but notice she had carried in her hand a Michael Bolton CD. I noticed Mr. Bolton’s striking resemblance to Al Wachowich and his flowing main and I fought against various unsavoury mental pictures.

Myra has much more to offer for the coveted Tumbleweed. Chief Justice Al Wachowich, no stranger to this space (but stranger than most), must think of Myra as a yoyo. How else would one describe the fact that she has been put on then pulled off my case more often than a Wham-O? But still Myra perseveres. Witness her latest foray into the legal jungles to root out evil, namely my attorney whose only crime against humanity was to represent me fully and competently. I guess he’s screwed. She awarded a friend of the court, one Douglas N.Tkachuk, which is rather an ironic term for someone who has no friends costs against my attorney personally for having the audacity to represent me. "And so fare thee well; thou never shalt hear herald anymore."

Let’s cut to the chase. Since day one, the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act has been used to take away my rights. When that proved to be no longer useful, the next action by good old reliable Myra was to take away my lawyer’s rights. The warning was very clear to all other lawyers who may be tempted to take a case for me. The court can be an unfriendly place to those cast down. "All hope abandon, ye who enter here."

So Myra, thank you for trampling all over the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and wielding the Bankruptcy and Insolvency act like a blunt instrument. Now that you have destroyed whatever rights I had, you moved on to kick my lawyer. Congratulations on being the first TWOTM for 2004. Believe me when I say you should get all you deserve.